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Remembering Sahar Daftary 🕊️🕊️

A Journey Through Pain, Love, and Healing

Disclaimer: If reading my grief healing journey touches a painful spot within you, please honor that part of yourself with gentleness and care. It’s completely okay to feel whatever arises, and to know that some parts may not be ready to face this alone. You don’t have to do it alone. I am here to support you. When you’re ready, take a step further and book a discovery call with me. Let’s explore together what healing might unfold for you.

RIP Sahar Daftary
25/12/1984- 20/12/2008

A Journey Through Pain, Love and Healing

Sahar Daftary

It has been 16 years since my baby sister Sahar was taken from us and yet the pain remains as vivid as it was that day. Sahar wasn’t just my youngest sister. She was the heart of our family, a bright, loving presence whose life was cut short in a way no family should ever have to endure.

Sahar had a beautiful soul, one that radiated warmth and light. She was ambitious and full of life, always striving for more, always dreaming bigger. She had a way of making everyone around her feel seen and heard, no matter who they were. Whether you were a close friend or a stranger, she gave you her undivided attention, making you feel valued and special.

She expressed herself through her passions, writing, music and art. Her journals were filled with reflections, her thoughts woven into words that spoke of gratitude, love and life’s beauty. Music was her sanctuary and art was her voice. Sahar’s creativity was boundless and she left pieces of herself in everything she touched.

This Christmas Day would have been her 40th birthday. It’s impossible not to imagine how she would have celebrated, how her laughter would have filled the room and how her warmth would have drawn people together. Instead, we are left with memories and the ache of her absence. But even in our grief, we honour her by remembering her light, her dreams and the love she shared so freely.

As I write this, I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. My jaw is clenched and my chest feels heavy. The memories of Sahar are so vivid that it feels like she’s here with me, but the ache of her absence is undeniable. I miss her so, so much. Writing this blog is both cathartic and deeply painful.

Sahar’s own words often guide me. One memory of hers, written in her own hand, gives me strength in moments like this: 

“As it was time for sunset, I got up to turn the lights on because I usually feel very claustrophobic in the dark…

I pressed the switch, my light bulb flickered and went dead… thinking oh great as I looked out of my window and saw the drumming of the raindrops against the glass.
 
All miserable, I went downstairs to get my jacket, put my shoes on and opened the door to go out…
 
Taking a step outside, I looked at the ground and it was all dark, grey and wet. I could feel little drizzles falling on my face and all over me…
 
So I made my way to the shop and bought myself a few light bulbs thinking that if it ever did happen again then at least I wouldn’t have to go through this again- especially with the weather that we have in London which is pretty much always rain and nothing else.
 
Walking back home I dunno why but out of nowhere I realised that the whole time my head had been down and my face screwed up and I had been almost marching in a hurry to get back home… I could actually feel the tension in my muscles on my face…
 
So I stopped and thought hold on, why am I acting this way? This is a blessing… Allah SWT tells us that the rain is a blessing from Him which He bestows upon mankind in abundance yet they see not.
 
As much as I remember and know everyone complains about the weather when it rains, it makes their days gloomy, it makes them miserable…

We even have sayings like after a rainy day there will be sunshine, using and seeing rain as a negative thing… but why?

Rain is a blessing from the Almighty Lord so just as we appreciate and are thankful for each and ever barakah that He has bestowed upon us, we should also be grateful for rain. Not complain about it, not worry if our hair will get wet and frizzy cos we have spent half an hour straightening it… so what? It can be straightened again. Not get annoyed at it cos if the rain falls on our faces it will smudge our makeup… your makeup can be re-applied. Not to curse at how our clothes are going to get wet and ruined… clothes will dry again. Not worry ourselves that we will catch a fever or cold due to getting wet… always remember that whatever befalls us beyond our control is what Allah SWT has already written for us and it is in His will so if it’s written for you to catch a cold you will no matter how much you try to avoid it.

How on earth are our vegetation and plants going to grow without rain?
How on earth are we going to have beautiful lakes and rivers and such beautiful green sceneries without rain?
How will Mother Nature survive without rain?
How is planet Earth going to survive without rain?
Rain is a fundamental element in the way the planet works and functions hence why Allah SWT tells us that it is a blessing.

So as I was standing there still in the middle of the street after having all these thoughts go through my mind, I relaxed the muscles on my face, I looked up at the dark grey gloomy sky and felt water prickling my face with its beautiful tiny little drops…
I closed my eyes feeling the lower part of my face form into a smile and I could feel everything so much more, the gentle wind stroking my face, blowing the rain droplets onto me….
Feeling the slight tender yet very gentle coldness against my skin, my hair flying back and forth, I could imagine the Angels high above setting the winds forth, forming the clouds and making the rain fall…

The feeling was just amazing, I felt so happy, so more relaxed and so in tune with it all…

I opened my eyes again and looking up at the sky my smile widened even more as I remembered Allah SWT in my heart. I said, Ya Allah SWT thank you for this blessing my Lord and forgive me if I have been so ignorant and ungrateful for it all the time. Wallah, I then felt this indescribable feeling go through my whole body. It felt as though my heart had opened up and light was pouring into it, it just felt AMAZING.
(Now come to think of it I must have looked like a right loopy doop to a passerby starts giggling hehehe)

So next time it rains just remember that it is a blessing and be grateful for it- screw facing, cursing or being miserable cos it’s raining are ways of us showing how ungrateful we are…
 
So just enjoy it, appreciate it and become one with it.

Alhumdullilahi Rabbil Alamin.” 

Her words remind me to pause and reflect, to breathe through the pain, and to find gratitude even in the smallest moments.

Trauma is not something you can leave behind. It lives in the body.  In the tension of clenched fists, the ache of hunched shoulders and the tightness of a chest filled with grief. For me, healing began when I started to pay attention to these signs. My body was holding the pain in ways I didn’t realise.

Through somatic healing, I began to listen to what my body was trying to tell me. I noticed where the grief lived, in my jaw, in my chest and in the pit of my stomach. Healing didn’t mean forgetting or erasing the pain. It meant acknowledging it, feeling it and slowly, gently releasing it.

Somatic practices taught me to reconnect with my body, to breathe through the tension and to honour the emotions I had buried. It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t, but every step forward feels like a tribute to Sahar, a way to honour her memory and her light.

To anyone who has experienced a loss like this, I want you to know that you are not alone. The pain is real and the journey is long, but healing is possible. Allow yourself to feel, to grieve, to cry. And when you’re ready, allow yourself to heal.

For Sahar. For her memory. For the love she left behind. Alhumdulillah.